The Queen of Foot in Mouth.

If someone is going to say absolutely the wrong thing at the right time, its me.

Sometimes, it's deliberate.

Like the teacher at my son's school who poked at my belly and asked me what was growing in there. My response? "Fat. Thanks for asking." Really, the man was married with 3 kids, and should know you never ask if someone's pregnant unless they've worn obvious maternity gear 3 days in a row. Stupid man, he spent the next 5 years avoiding me, which I turned into a great game-how will Owen avoid me today?

However, usually its a gift, that just roles off my tongue.

Like the time I walked into a friend's party-plan type thing, and greeted my friend with "guess what that fat bitch *name name* said to me today?". At the end of the night, the lovely lady from the party plan company told me she was related to "fat bitch *name name*" and asked me what she'd said!

Or the time I commented to another Mum at school that I hadn't seen her hubby for a while, had she buried him in the backyard? Well, of course, she HAD buried him, and everyone in Canberra knew, except me it seems.

There was the time I was watching a movie about women prisoners of war who'd created a choir, and at one point one of the women were offered to be set up in a luxurious hotel, but she had to be a prostitute for the rest of the war. I turned to a friend who was watching it with me, and I commented that I'd never found Asians remotely attractive..... he was Phillipino, and fairly unimpressed.

At school, after winning a debate, our team was having afternoon tea with the opposing team, and I commented to the adjudicator that I wanted to murder the red haired kid in the front row who chatted the whole way through the debate- he was the adjudicator's son. Well, she should have taught him to have more respect for people speaking!

The main problem, I think, is my lack of subtle ability. As a child, I learnt to compartmentalise a little too well, so often, people will try to give me subtle hints, and it takes about 3 days for the penny to drop. I can't be subtle, and any attempt to try fails miserably.

The other night, there was a discussion on TV about how people with siblings of the opposite sex socialise better than those who don't, whih got the FrogPrince & I discussing when we first started dating (it's a convoluted series of bridges from the TV discussion to talking about us, and not important).
I met the FrogPrince at Uni. He was studying the same course as I was, but was a year ahead, and had been tutoring a friend of mine. We had an assignment to write our first lab report, and were given a past one to use as a guide. I wasn't there when the actual assignment was handed out, and I had a question about something the prior report had done that I didn't understand. I asked my friend, who intro'd me to the FrogPrince, and told me to ask him, so I said "Do we need to include this upper level stuff, or was this bloke just a show off?"
Cue dead silence. Because, of course, the FrogPrince had written the prior report!

DESPITE that, and SO MANY incidents since, he still married me!